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so sleep alone tonight
She wants to be happy.
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Beseech
Don't judge me.
I'm touchy, so be nice.
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IZYAN
HANISAH
KAK ILLY
SYUHADAH
JOHAN
NABEEL
HERLEEN
KELLY
SHIYUN
JIA
HUI
CHLOE
MR
PERRY LAI
WEI
JU
HAIKEL
SYAFIQAH
KRISTA
NAB
ILLAGORDON NALYSSA archives
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& life starts to be full of misery again.
Im having these bad thoughts in my head. Thoughts which are possible to be true. Im having these feelings. Feelings that are sad, confused & all I want to do is cry. I thought to myself during the Ps, I love you movie, it's good to be crying again. I felt my hot tears rolling down my cheeks when it came to the sad, emotional parts. & now, the tears kept on coming. sheesh. On the 28th, yest, I was on my way to work. I had a feeling that he's not coming to work. I guessed that he just left us like that since it was his last day working, yest. When I arrived, my supervisor, Alan didnt say anything to me. I looked at the schedule book & his name was cancelled. So I asked Alan casually whether is he really not working today. & Alan told me that he's hospitalized. I was shocked. On 27th, which is the day before, he fainted in the train on the way to work. The ppl in the train sent him to the hospital. Naseer told me that he has a sickness of low blood pressure. He'll grow weak if he doesnt eat enough. Goshh. I tried to appear cheerful but deep down, Im so worried. When you know that your soulmate has a sickness, you tend to love them more. They will appear more precious to you than they alr have. You will give them the extra care. & you will try your best, to not let them go. Im not saying that he's my soulmate or whatever. It's just that, I realized that one will feel that way when he/she has a very special someone who is in these conditions. Tuesday, 26th was the last day I worked with him without even knowing. How sad): I really hope he's better now. I dont think I can work with him for another day anw from what Im developing in me these days. It is wrong. I cannot like him. He doesnt like me. I have a boyfriend. I cannot like him.
& im sorry if I bore you.
Okay. I wont write abt what happened today just yet. I'll start with yesterday, 26/02/08. Well, finally, I got to see my colleague face again. Yup. 2mr will be his last day working. Sigghhss. Anw, yesterday was all the way hilarious. I cldnt stop laughing when he's ard. Like seriously. Im not kidding. I felt bad for banging his head on the bar counter sehh. haha! There was a faint bump on his forehead. hehs. I apologized through my tummy-aching laughters. Uh-huh. So while working, Reena came up with plans for poolsiders gathering before he starts his NS. Reena is like our planner. In the midst of closing the bar, she asked us to have dinner with her at Far East. Which we did. God, thank you for not letting me hang out with him often as I'll die laughing my soul off. Oh well, enough abt work. Now, I'll start with today. LY,Sam,Sai & I went Haw Par Villa[Hanie cldnt make it since her mom doesnt allow her to go]. It was really scary as there were many statues showing the 10 gates of Hell & human heads were cut off & were placed on the plastic rocks. Sheesh. How disturbing is that? Before going into the tunnel of the 10 gates of Hell[it was dark in there], Sammy gave me a pink-with-no-stalk-fallen-off-the-tree kind of flower to boost my courage. Thanks Sam! Gna keep it for as long as I dont lose it(: & there was an out-of-bound area. I kept looking at it. Curious I guess. haha. ohoh! We needed to pay in order to get into the gates of Hell. 1buck sia. & ppl said it was free. Tskk. Anw, we spent less than 45mins there since the place is quite small, surprisingly. Then we were off to Vivo to meet Hanie there. Went to Topshop & I bought girls boxers(: hehes. Ate at LJS. A customer shouted at the girl at the cashier sehh. Very loud. The customer is an Ah Lian[a vouge one], with her Ah Beng bf[who was bouncing up & down on one foot]. Sheesh. I felt bad for the girl sehh. & I imagined what Izyan went through. I feel you, Izie. I really wished that I was there by your side & was there to stand up for you. Just one question, does the man have tatoos? Cuz the girl & her bf have alot on them. It freaked me out. hehs. Anw, the movie Psst, I love you[hehe(x], starts at 4.15 & at that moment was only ard 2 plus. So we went out to the open air, just chilling in the sun[how ironic is that?]. & we camwhored with one another. hehe. Sai is kind of a good photographer. Kind of la. haha. Then we went back in & hanie& I ate B&J. Tried the Phish Food, Izie! Super nice(: Yupp. Then, headed to the theater. Psst, I love you was really touching. Cried throughout the movie. The guys were bored apparently while Hanie & I were the ones affected. Why is it so hard for me to stay true? Is it because I just dont trust guys after what my dad had done to me & my mom? Am I still hurting deep down without even knowing it? Do I have the mindset that nothing lasts forever, that love is about cheating, & it is really impossible to find the one? Why am I always the villain? Why do I have to hurt someone who loves me everytime? I know one cannot believe that these Hollywoods love stories actually happens in real life. It is all a fairytale. However, one can believe that it is possible to grow old with your soulmate & there is such a thing as soulmate & a clean, honest, healthy relationships. My own eyes witnessed quite a number of very old couples walking hand-in-hand, still in love with each other. Mostly cauncasians. So there is such thing as the one. But only a few 'chosen' ones get to experience that. It is really rare. I will just pray that I'm one of them. & she is clueless.
THE SHOCK!
muahahaha! I've spent my day in bliss with my darl Hanie by my side(: We junked. Ordered pizza over my hse. We went to IMM to get a bag for her mom first then to my hse. Watched the movie 'Playing by heart' and a malay movie. But we didnt really concentrate on it la. haha. yupp. & at ard 3, I decided to send my colleague a msg. Asking if he's seriously not gna go work 2mr. I didnt really wait in anticipation for his reply. However, I had the shock of my life. He called me instead sia. Like wtf?? Surprisingly, my voice was in control. I didnt freaked out. But after the phone call I was like aaarrrgggghhhhh!! I screamed along with hanie. hahahaah! goshh. anw, yay! He's gna work 2mr(: Cant wait to laugh and have fun with my colleagues(: whee! & that was not what she had in mind. Okay people. This is going to be a long one;
Damn. I have yet to blog about my life since the last time I've posted. Okay, where do I start? Umm...gosh. I dont know. okok. I'll start with the result of the posting. I'm thrown all the way to Nanyang, Marketing. Dam, I dont look like the marketing type but my cousins told me it will lead me to a hell good life in the future. *shruggs* I'll just give it a shot anw. Sigghhsss. My precious ones are all seperated from one another. Izie is appealing for SP. Hanie's going to NP. Haikel ended up in Innova JC [so happy for him(:]. Lionel gonna do his NS soon. *sobs* I'm the furthest one. How sad?)': I WONDER IF I'LL BE FORGOTTEN WHEN NEW PPL EXISTS IN THEIR LIVES... What if everything changes? I HATE CHANGES, I tell you that. New ppl enter will enter & the old ones....GONE? I hope not. I will pray that our friendships will last a lifetime. I hope God is by my side on this. I DO NOT want to lose them. Haikel has started school. & he told me & Hanie all abt his new friends. That got me imagining us telling one another abt our own new friends. & come to think of it, it's really sad. Sighs. Goshh. I'll be alone there. I just hope I dont get lost. okok. Enough with these thoughts of a new life in poly. Now, abt work. Small fonts got on my nerves everytime she's there with her oh-so cute self. Sheesh. She got all the men there on wolf-mode. But it's fading, i think. Alahh, watever la. Not gna be a green-eyed monster over the attention she's getting. These few days at work I've had mood swings. Haha. Having my PMS & one of my colleague has, I think, stopped work. He was planning to 'pangseh' us on these few last 4 days of his work. So yeahh. It isnt the same without him around. There wasnt as much fun & laughter. He made me realized that my heart wasnt into working. & now that he's gone, including my soul isnt into work any longer. Ohh wweell. Im just hoping that he's working on monday. Ohoh! Izie's appealling for NYP! yay! Hope she'll get in(: small fonts is appealling for NYP too. OMG!! Cant wait for 3rd March!! Sandtoesah with my girls! yay!!(: Oh, & also 27th Feb!! Going China with my beloveds LY, Sam, Sai & of cos, Hanie. hehe. Haw Par Villa, here we come! I hope this coming week will be a happy one. Really hope it will be. & she's afraid for what's in store for her. Wedding and Work.
The wedding was SUPERB. Ms Wan is GORGEOUS. like whoa! haha. Im really so honoured to witness her wedding(: I LOVE YOU MS WAN. thank you for everything.Went watch Juno after the wedding. ROCKS! HELLS YEAHH! love juno. She's cool. IM NEVER GONNA FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT BEING THERE FOR HER. Oh, and about work. HE IS THERE! OMG!! Im like shaking when I saw him sia. hahaah! gosshhh. But my heart sank when he talks about Reena's sister. He was like her sister more prettier eh? I was like haha, and walked off. ahha. oh well. He's out of my league anw. Too hot to be true. hehe. yeahh. But a thing happened that made me fall again. He came from behind this makcik who is working as a cleaner la. She very cute sia. He came from behind her and she had her back facing him. So he shook her since he's much taller then her. After he shook her shoulders he just walked off, pretending nth happened. hahaah! the Makcik panicked sehh. She looked ard wondering what happened! hahahaa! I was like laughing my ass off. From there, I can see that he's a lovable guy la. hahaah! Cant get it off my head sehh. Yeahh..ohh! and I saw 2 HHHAAWWT guys at the line restaurant! ARGHH! My knees went weak DAMN! A haawwt geeky guy and a hhaawwt cauncasian. gggooddd! haha. Work was soo tiring today. & got solded from the same woman who's working in the line. ahah. scary sia she. & he shakes my world. VALENTINES(:
Valentines Day!! It was a BLAST! Spent time with my GIRLS(: [hope Kak Illy had a great time with us] Went to Novena. SHOP! SHOP! SHOP! Cotton On rocks! haha! I like the salegirl. So cute. Then, Hanie curled her hair for free(x She's gorgeous, i tell yyou!! Meanwhile, I did a song dedication. haha! sshhhyy! The MC very nice. Oh yeahh! I bought a ring at Mecury. The salesman cute sia. Keep tripping over his tall stool.haha! I got the ring for only 39bucks! FREE ENGRAVEMENT FOR NO MAX NUMBER OF WORDS(: Yupyup! & then we planned to redeem a free rose from the info counter as they announced that we need to spend at least 30bucks in a single receipt. We did shop at Cotton On but it's at velocity. I got a rose since I shopped at Mercuru which is at Square 2. hehe. Oh, & I got a teddy for free from the MC for making a song dedication(: haha. Cool sia receiving alot of free stuffs. After Hanie's hair is done, we bought balloons for ourselves. Watching other CHINESE and only CHINESE guys buying balloons & flowers for their significant ones, we were so touched & melted. Me & Izie were complaining. haha! Anyways, we made new frens at Novena. Hees. & off to Heerens to take neoprints! YAY! & then paragon's oh-so gorgeous loo to camwhore! Chilled at Starbucks and went off home. Me & Izie went to meet our men. While Kak Illy and Hanie went home. It was drizzling for awhile at WCP which made us panic like shit. ahaha! disturbing sehh. yupp! My dearest gave me an engraved bracelet(: One for him and one for me. So touched(: & I thought he isnt romantic. Well, he is at times la. hehe. & us, green couples just chilled at WCP enjoying each other's company(: It was nice. Ohh! Me & Izie got our men shirts! hehe<33 14th Feb 2008 was my first Valentines with a date. & I had a great time with my oh-so beloved girlfrens. & it was BLISS<333 Work is suckky
A sad thing happened today at work.The bartenders said to me, "Eh, why your face again. Next time ask the other girl come." It was sppose to be a joke but it stung me. & she doesnt know what to do. UNSPOKEN;
My mind is going wild. I am not going to be the villian again.However, I just can't help but wonder; It's been years & still it is unspoken, Or is it just my own feelings & mind playing tricks on me? I'm sure it existed between us, but there was no proof. At least I don't think so, or maybe I'm just blind. No hints were given to me, even other girls got his attention. I didnt want to let it bother me. Waited for that moment, for this love to be revealed. I actually waited, without wanting to realize. It never did happen. The saddest, most hardest feelings to deal with, is being so close yet so far. I guess, this love is never going to happen. It'll just be left, unspoken. & I can't help but wonder. Damn, he's eighteen. Hating him!
On 12th Feb 08, went out with birthday boy aka my fatass, & my darl, Hanie. Had a blast. For once, he was ever so generous to treat us for lunch at MINT CAFE. hehe. We had the biggest surprise at the cafe. Zachary's working there!! haha! I was gasping when I saw him sehh. haha! disturbing. The food was like D-A-M-N! Thanks Lionel. Loving you always(: After that, followed him to Bugis, met up with his fren, DJ. He is Germs's cousin. F-I-N-E, that's all Im saying. [melted in the eyes of his] Seperated from them & Hanie and I were off to Orchard. Bought stuffs & then to Vivo. Bought a present for my fatass(: We felt like junking so we decided to have the sticky chewy choco at Earle Swenswens. It was like heaven. Ahhhh. Yupp. Then we headed to Lot 1. I wanted to check out the rings at the Couples Lab. 78bucks for 2 rings. But I only need one. Hahs. Which will cost me 39bucks. Still considering tho. Met with Hanie's mommy. She's so cute & small. hehe. Yupp. Then met with my fatass at Clem to pass him the present. He better lite that thing or I KILL HIM, I TELL YOU! haha. crap sia, Sof. Haiyo.& that's the end of 12/02/08(: & it hurts more to be so close and yet so far. & life is ever so tiring.
YAY! finally, i can go out with my friends after being locked up at home by mom and busy with work. This week will be full of pure fun and laughters with my precious ones. Just hope nothing bad will happen. Dont wanna jinx it.Well, work yesterday was just plain ugh. As always the people I usually talk to at work were diverting their attention somewhere else. Goshh. oh well, i just gotta live with it la. Cant do anything much. But Im telling you work will be suckier each and every day. Sighs. Today's my fatass's birthday!! HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY LIONEL ANTHONY MISSON!! I LOVE YOU TO THE CORE OF AN APPLE. hehe. lame shit. Gonna meet him up today and go shopping with hanie after! Whee! cant wait(: Work is a bitchh!
My 2nd post. how pathetic?Been working & feeling way too tired each day & night. sheesh. Today, work was really a bitch. Agus & those fcuking assholes which is also known as the guests of Shangri-La. ughhh! all they do is complain. but not all of them are assholes. Reena, my colleague received 50 bucks tips. Woohhoo! Good for her. She nearly cried. She was so touched. Just for serving a drink to that particular guest she received that much in return. haha. she can go eat her pizza liao. I feel like quitting my job sehh. It's kind of stressful serving ppl. & that fcuking agus is always on my shit. Everything i do he'll always find my wrongdoings. ughh! I told my 'b' what i felt, then he was like, 'yeahh. you are torn btwn wanting to quit or just to continue. I can see.' sighs. The only thing that makes me want to stay are the people who works there. My colleagues are super nice (i love them), the bartenders (they're my personal entertainers), the lifeguards and some ppl working in the Line restaurant which is just behind poolside. yupp. I dont really mix much. But when i get to know them it's like...pure fun & i can feel a whole new atmosphere. Everytime im pissed off at poolside, im the first to volunteer myself to go to the bar & pick up drinks. haha! the bartenders are funny ppl la. & of course, the only person that keeps me perservering to work & just get it over and done with is my dearest. He picks me up after work for the past 3 days i've worked. When we parted after his bus comes, I'll start to miss him all over again. haha. He's like my trophy after i went through hell at work(: WORK AGAIN TOMORROW. Cant wait for nxt week! Gonna go out with my precious ones!! WHEE!(x & I hope she wont steal my limelight cuz work is alr a bitch! & blog life starts again.
Happy chinese new year peeps!sighs. Since practically everything in Singapore closes today, Shangri-la is packed with guests. ughh. It was SOO busy. & the weather is like HOT! Had to drink every 5 minutes. Thank God I didnt fell sick. No tips today. Stinghy(however you spell it) people. hmph. Met my colleague's boyfriend. hehe. they're so cute(: Agus, my asst supervisor, was all the way irritating. Always on my shit. ughh. I miss Alan. No ang boa from him since he's on leave. ugh. no fair. Ohh! there was a guest which complained to us about our service. he was like, "I was sitting there & nobody came up to me & offer me drinks or menu. You guys were like standing here, doing nothing." We were like WTF? He didnt even see us walking in and out, serving other people who took their own initiative to get their asses off those chairs & ask us for our service. It's like he's not the only m*f* person whom we have to entertain for God's sake! ughh! I swear we felt like killing that man! yupp. That's the drama for today. sheesh. Gotta work for anthr 4 days in a row. ARGH! & God is the only one I turn to. |