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so sleep alone tonight
She wants to be happy.
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Beseech
Don't judge me.
I'm touchy, so be nice.
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IZYAN
HANISAH
KAK ILLY
SYUHADAH
JOHAN
NABEEL
HERLEEN
KELLY
SHIYUN
JIA
HUI
CHLOE
MR
PERRY LAI
WEI
JU
HAIKEL
SYAFIQAH
KRISTA
NAB
ILLAGORDON NALYSSA archives
credits
Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
its been awhile.
[25th March]Met up with Hanie & Jo. Ate at LJS and went to Jurong Library. huhu. I miss library. It holds so many memories. sighs. & there's when we had our talk. & yeahh, once again. Too lazy to tell people. Go figure out yourselves. [26th March] Went NYP with Hanie. Go collect Giro form since I used liquid on the previous one. sheeshh. Supposed to go out with Izie but she fell sick): Make sure we go out before our poly life starts k my love?? sobs. Anyhow, after NYP we went to meet Nasheira at JP. Nice sia their Lappies. FUCK. Im sooo jealous! If only im rich. ughhh. However, i gotta be grateful for what i have. Bersyukurlah(: Bus-ed my way to Orchard at around 6. I had dinner at The Line with my lovable poolsiders(: Got teased by Alan as always. haha! Ohh, before that got pranked by Reena & Peace. hahaha! Really stuffed myself like a pig ar! Goshh. Those 2 girls like power ranger sehh! They ate a whole lot of oysters! I wanted to try cuz if i consume oysters, I will puke it out. & then I will not get fat. ah-hah! But i didnt try la. The view of the Hotel is really nice when you sit by the poolside. I could have just sleep there, watching 3 stars in the sky. haha! Now im dreaming of being pampered, staying in a hotel. Calling up room service and just chill in the grand bedroom. GOD! What a life! I just wished that I could have that moment at the poolside with him rather than Alan. ahahaha! disturbing. Nothing happened people. Dont worry. Alan is like a big big brother to me. I love him(: Went home at ard 10. Took train with Agus & Krista. Crazy ppl. I had a blast! When Reena send me the pics, I'll upload it. [27th March] World War 4 has broke out. Btwn Angus[hahah!] & Nasser. They were at loggerheads about a lime soda. Nasser asked Kok Eng to pick up the drink at the bar. But Angus stopped him saying that let me do it cuz im the bev runner. But in the meantime, I was busy doing other things, No one told me anything about the lime soda. I dont noe if the guests complained but Angus argued with Nasser. Angus shouted at him. Nasser was like,"Dont you shout at my fcuking face!" That made Angus mad. Nasser didnt want to fight anymore so he held out his hand for them to shake on it. FCUK! Nasser lost his ego to that mothafcuka but that ASSS didnt want to accept his apology! It wasnt even Nasser's fault! Angus shouted at him telling him to go home & not work anymore. Nasser chose to stay. I knew he did that cause he thought of us who is working since Kok Eng is the only guy since Angus does nth but touch his balls. I really am touched by Nasser. Angus wasnt satified and so he told the GM. So the GM [Ryan] talked to Nasser. Nasser thought wrong when Ryan told him to go home & cool himself down. Nasser tot he was fired. haha! Make me sad for nothing sehh. haiyo. DRAMA, DRAMA. [28th March] Submitted Giro form to NYP with Hanie. We didnt have our breakfast so we were so tired after going NYP. God! There isnt any fun-looking, out-going people at NYP! sobs)': I am so out of place. Izyan dont leave me! You're my one and only in NYP. [excluding Ly & hidayat] siggghhss. Hanie & I were like gundus sakk finding that Sim Lim building. Thanks to some SMART person! Thanks ar dear! You really owe us BIG TIME. & really, Im gonna se-lapp your face when I get the chance to! Sheeesshh. We were lost, broken & confused sakk. Hanie, lets kill him! Thanks Hanie for the days of accompanying me & sharing laughters with me. I love you darl!(: Gonna go to my BB aunt hse 2mr. Its her 57th birthday!(: I love her! Hope to see you dear! & she's F-A-T! Okay! Its not mine.
So I shouldn't have apologized.Cuz it ISNT MY FCUKING FAULT. Forget it. You just ain't worth it any longer. My bad. Is it really?
Okay. FINE. I OVER-REACTED. My bad.
disappointment.
My one and only fatass wished me happy birthday on 24thMarch at 11plus pm. thanks. FOR NOT REMEMBERING MY ACTUAL BIRTHDAY. I am so dissappointed in my friend. Thanks for everything. & it breaks her heart. current track on my playlist.
Miserable at bestKatie, don't cry, I know You're trying your hardest And the hardest part is letting go Of the nights we shared Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but i want it so Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight(I know he's there) You're probably hanging out and making eyes(while across the room, he stares) I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes Because these words were never easier for me to say Or her to second guess But I guess That I can live without you but Without you I'll be miserable at best You're all that I hoped I'd find In every single way And everything I could give Is everything you couldn't take Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away And the hardest part of living Is just taking breaths to stay Because I know I'm good for something I just haven't found it yet But I need it So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight(I know he's there) You're probably hanging out and making eyes(while across the room, he stares) I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes Because these words were never easier for me to say Or her to second guess But I guess That I can live without you but Without you I'll be miserable at best And this will be the first time in a week That I'll talk to you And I can't speak It's been three whole days since I've had sleep Because I dream of his lips on your cheek And I got the point that I should leave you alone But we both know that I'm not that strong And I miss the lips that made me fly So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight(I know he's there) You're probably hanging out and making eyes(while across the room, he stares) I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes Because these words were never easier for me to say Or her to second guess But I guess That I can live without you but Without you I'll be miserable And I can live without you But without you I'll be miserable And I can live without you Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best Latest news!; Zul is small fonts' primary skool fren. GONE CASE. FULLSTOP. & what does love has against me? & she was always reminded of the past.
Im POISONED. By the stupid mamaks tosey that my mom bought for me last night. Ughh. Puked early in the morning and of course, shitted 2 times. Fcuk. & Im burning up here!Sighs. So due to this, I didnt go to work. I spent my whole day lying around and sleeping. hahs. & of course, my mind couldnt take a break from thinking. Sheesh. If only I have a gun. I knew he's gonna talk to me one way or another. We're clearing things up. I think. Im always reminded of the past. How we could have spend more time together & not blowing our tops. Are we really not meant to be for the moment? Sometimes I can picture myself with him. Fcuk. I AM NOT GONNA MAKE THE WRONG MOVE AGAIN. Let it go, Sof. There's no longer any reason for you to hold on anymore. Move on. You deserve better friends. & you deserve a better him. Dont you waste your life again. & dont break the same heart anymore, if the story ends up the same way that is. Reena once said, "Best friends are backstabbers." & I guess it's true. A couple of my bestfriends are backstabbers. But somehow, I forgave them. The one that has been my close one for 4 years. He's just the way he is. It hurts but I love him. The other has been my close one for at least 3years..I think..he's the one who make me feel the way that I felt in the previous post. He broke my heart a few times. However, I still choose to forgive him. Now, he's gone too far. Im really dissappointed in him. But then again, I still forgive him. However, there's a twist in this. I wont hold on to him any longer. I am through. & she doesnt know exactly what to do. & I, myself should let it go.
Sports day at the big field opp pandan resovoir today. Went with Leen & Kris. It was okay, kinda boring. Yupyup. Orion won, Auriga 2nd [lost by 4fcuking points!] & I dont noe which is 3rd. Met Ben Goi [Ben ten!] & he was like teasing me-_-''' Then, met Ben Ong[Ben ten ten!]. He's much hotter with his emo hair & as irritating as ever. haha. Caught that guy's eyes & he started to make his way towards us. Sheeshh. & it hurts to see you.
Blahblah. Then went to the nearest flat which is where shafiq's house is at & lepak there while waiting for Izie to get on the bus. uhhh-hhuhhh. He was there. & it hurts to see you too. It was so different just now. We weren't as close as before. & it breaks my heart. Everything's not the same anymore I had fun spending time with Leen for the whole day(: I love her! My mind is going haywire from doing a fcuking lot of thinking. Ughh. Me & Leen went IMM with Hanie & Kel at 3. Had swensen's as I didnt manage to eat my food completely at Ayer Rajah. Hadnt had the mood. Sighhs. But hey, it was really a blessing going to Swensens. We passed by there & there was a cute guy working. Huhu. He caught my eyes & at the first look, he looks like Shaf. & Irsyad too. Anyway, we went to eat there & he kept walking back and forth checking up on the customers. The place is quite small, mind you. Goshh. I kept looking at him, damn! & he actually caught my eyes, red-handed. She-it. We ordered from him. I couldnt bring myself to look at him but when I did I kept my cool. I didnt catch his name but luckily, Hanie did. Mansur or Mansoor. Old-fashioned name on a cute guy? ahaha. Who cares anw. Yeahh. Had so much laughs with my precious ones. I love them(: Ohh yeah! Hanie became Kel's pretend girlfriend! huahua!!! Funny like cock sakk. Sighhss. We chilled at Swensens for quite long as we talked & laughed. LOUDLY. Sheeshh. hahaha! He ended his shift but he kept hanging out at the counter. Finally, [cuz I was eager to leave before he does] we made our move. [We didnt get the freaking student discount. Damn you Mansur!] We walked out & waited while Kel went to Guardian. I kept looking at the Swensens where he was hanging out, but he already left. ohhhhh well. IMM Swensens has really ALOT of hot malay guys working there. So if you want eat & wash your eyes at the same time, you should really go there(: I hope I get to see him again(x Ohoh! We played the neon game at the balcony of IMM. VERY FUN! & you can exercise from it. We played like small kids sehh. Until a guy took a video of us. hahah! Deprived from childhood seh. Yupyup. We went to the library & us girls had a talk about our emotions about relationships & how we're holding on. I didnt contribute much since I was emo-ing. yeahh. That's our last stop & we called it a day. Library; I was reminded about the times I had with him. The time when he touched my cheek. Had his arms around my shoulders. Hugged me ever so tightly. Looked into my eyes. Teased me & apologized in his sweet own way. All the things that made me fall in love with him without even knowing it. The worst thing is to know that your love is wasted)": Honestly, I cant let go. & Im still holding on to you & you. & she has to get a hold of herself. Walking down memory lane.
Visited Kent Ridge Sec with Izie. Just standing at the market bustop & watching kentridgeans walking by was like walking down memory lane. I remembered those times I spent with my oh-so-beloveds. Eating at market, drinking bubble teas, prima deli waffles etc. Sighhhss. The dramas & gossips from schoool were brought there. Goshh. I miss it so badly)': Especially the moments I had with a few particular people. It is just so emotional to be reminiscing about these. How time flies...
The future makes sweet memories of the past hurts. Since I've started working, I learnt about men's behaviours; Although they are men, they still have lill boys mindset. They make sick jokes.[so much for being mature when they're older.] They still tease girls. They are still unfaithful.[well, the way they talk about things make them sounds unfaithful.] All-in-all, they are still boys at heart. Just as it ended, I started to have these plans in my head. Maybe, I'll fulfill it with my future's. Will there ever be a future for me? I hope, I pray. In the meantime, I'll just come up with these plans. walk on the bridge which was just being built, walk to the flyover, watch the night sky with the traffic below us, take a long walk home, just with each other's companies. hah! didnt know I could be so romantic. Maybe I should continue writing stories. Searching for soccer court in queens or commwlth area. But there isnt any. sheeshh. Lousy area. A reverie of you<3 Let us promise; an eternity. & I made that one up myself(: Proud of me. & all she wants is not to feel empty. HOT DAY. Like REALLY HOT.
OMG! Today is like REAL hot laa! UGH. It was making me into angry mode at work. Weather plus AGUS. Fcuking asshole. Did nothing but just stand around with his bloody handphone & kept touching his bloody dick. [ohhh! i wish it was bloody! I could just cut it off...] Me & Peace had our screaming moments with that asshole. I swear I could just kill him. Gonna work again 2mr. Im so DREADING. Im tired and why isnt it raining?? Im hoping for it to rain just like Izie cuz our jobs will be so much easier. Oh GOD! Please help us out! Sobs. I want to quit! Finding a NEW job. HMPH. I miss SPP & OCY)": I hope they're doing fine. Sports Day next Thurs!! Yippee! Cant wait. Me & Izie planning to have a council outing after. yay!(: O-levels certs are ready. FINALLY. Ohoh! On the way home from work, there's like ALOT of HOT guys. Cauncasians & malays mostly. WHOA. hahaha! I was just washing my eyes. That's all(: I've got not much to blog about. Siiggghhss. Have a good trip Sammy! I love you(: & it's gna be a looong day 2mr. shheeshh. THIS IS WAR.
THIS IS WAR.
Should I feel sad, pissed off or should I just ignore? He made me speechless. In a bad way. Having this feeling of redemption & angerness drove me into feeling more hurt. Not satisfaction, not happiness. We somehow fought about the things only we know. We were cutting each other's throats by commenting, affecting us indirectly. Really indirectly. Only we understood. I think, most of the time, I'm the one who's affected. This feeling isn't helping me. I am not going to welcome any of it into my heart any longer. Im sorry for whatever I said previously. Please stop hurting me anymore. & indirect things hurts too. updates.
[10/03]Went out with Izie. Met her up after work. Whee! I missed her LOADS. Its been long since I've seen her puffed up face. huhu(x We ate at BREEKS! & Izie was treated waaayy better than I was by the waiter. hmph. Her food was served first, her drink was filled up by the waiter for the first lapse, then on the second one, the waiter poured more water for her than me sehh!! ughhh! disturbing. I kill him, I tell you![with the two-knives scissors. huhu!] We were FULLY LOADED after the meal. Like a fully loaded gun. okay, thats just cold. Then, went to shop for Ron's wallet. Gonna buy one for my future boyfren. hah![keep on dreaming] We made a move to Ceneleisure for NEOPRINTS!![since heeren's top floor is closed.] yupyup! Had fun love(: [11/03] Went out with Hanie. Spposed to work but Agus called & tell me not to cuz of the weather. So we went JE. I photocopied all the documents and all that fcuking things NYP told us to. sheesh! Troubling sehh. We were happy with each other's company(: & we NEOPRINT!! whee! Then, off to Vivo to watch AUGUST RUSH. You should REALLY watch it. SUPER NICE. Evan Taylor rocks my music world damn!! The movie brings hot tears to my eyes. & my eyes were puffy after sehh. Like Izie's face. huhu! & once again, Im gonna watch with my future boyfren. hah! Ard 6, we went our seperate ways. I was off to my cousin's place since I needed help with the forms. After filling them up, me & my cousin talked. My 11years apart cousin. The one that someone commented that she's hot. haha. yeahh. It was fun(: Went home ard 9pm. Late night out. Alone. Pathetic. [12/03] Met up with Hanie again. We are so unseperable. haha. With Kel too. I went for the check-up at SATA. Saw Saddam there. Alot of the students there are from NYP. We were stuck there from 12 to 5. But we escaped for awhile to go eat at ard 4. yupp. Went to search for the UOB bank but it was closed. Ughhh! Im so relieved that I have done all these things. A WHOLE credit to my darl, Hanie & my irritant[& he was REALLY irritating just now], Haikel. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Abuzar is off for NS 2mr. ALL THE BEST(: & she's exhausted. misunderstandings.
Me & small fonts are like BFF these few days at work. haha. I was just a green-eyed monster when she started work la. I just gotta accept her the way she is. Life is much better that way. yupp. & she fills me up in THINGS. Unspoken THINGS. & those who are just so full of themselves. sheeshh! It is just so typical of you. The reason is just a SMALL fcuking part in my decision. That is just SO unnecessary all-in-all. The things you said touched me. It is sweet. But this time, its not my call. I understand her point of view. I respect her. & I admit that she's a cool mom. I am just gonna move on. MOVE ON. They are no longer my vips. Okay, so thats a lie. They are always my vips. But I need a new chapter in my life. I no longer can rely my hopes on them. MOVE ON, I should. & she wants no more.
dePICts life.
  my irritant<33  hockey hunks!!  my darl<33     my love<33 [ps:Do you remember the time in the jamming room??]  my HOT nerds<33  my oh-so-sweet SAM<33  [Poolsiders]; me, abuzar, nasser(above abu), Peace & reena! MY NEW FOUND FRIENDS<33 & she starts to think again.
Best ar. I went to work just now then end up going back home. haha. I couldnt take it. Im still sick from 2 days ago. Felt like fainting seh at work. Thank God I made it home without fainting. My darl, Hanie, kept me company on the phone for awhile. Thx darl(:In these cases, I start thinking, "If only I have a boyfriend, He'll be holding my hand, making sure I wont fall & faint, & if I do, it'll only be in his arms." FCUK IT. Fairytales arent true[but it'll be nice if they are]. & I'll only find that kind of guy not until in 2 years time or maybe...never. She-it. Who needs them when you have your best friends? The people who will be there for you for a lifetime[I hope]. ohh well. Everything's changing. We'll be going our own seperate ways. & it sucks when your close ones tells you about their own new friends in skool. It wont be the same again. I will miss them till it hurts. I'll just pray that we wont forget one another in the near future. & for our friendship to stay strong for as long as a lifetime. Insyaallah. I felt loved by my mom yesterday. I came home after I went out with my darl & irritant. I brought home with me a bad headache sia. My mom massage my head with the oh-so-hot ointment and told me to take panadols. Then I lied down in the living room and she was so sweet enough to bring a blanket & cover me up in it. Im so touched. Sometimes these little actions shows us how much love there is. Im grateful(": Saw a dad & his child sitting on his shoulders. My dad did that to me when I was young. How everything changes in a spilt second. Men, they are all the same. Us, women, need just one man in each of our lives to just prove to us that there is still hope for our love to be shared with these honest, caring, loyal, gentleman-ly men. On top of that, we dont want assholes for our knight in shining armour. Will there be such a person for us? Will there be enough for us, women around the world? Will there be one for me? & she cant stop thinking. SENTOSA.
Went to sentosa with my colleagues. Abuzar cldnt make it so I was alone since Reena has her boyfren and Nasser has his girlfren. But they were nice towards me. It was fun(: We played frisbee! ehehe. & Reena pulled me into the sea. Sheesh. I forgot to bring extra undergarments sehh. & I ended up wearing my wet underwear which caused my jeans to be wet. haha! Went vivo with my ass wet! ughh! Then went to Topshop to buy underwear & changed. haha! goshh. Disturbing ar. Ohh well, thats about it for the day. I am not gonna hope for a new guy. I am not gonna be desperate for one. & if God let me meet someone new, then, Im more than glad to welcome him into my life. I just dont want to hope for something which will not happen. & she's confused. & this time it's for real.
I will promise myself I won’t care Distracting myself from your stare And I’ve seen this mistake once before With your games I will never fall for I’ve hung up my guns I won’t kill again I won’t forget you I’m not gonna let you win But I’m tired of lying Tired of fighting you And it's not gonna change You asked for my heart You know that I’m down But not the way you lie to me And tear it all apart And beg for me to stay I’ve sailed off to sea I’m not coming back I won’t forget you I’m not gonna let you win I’m not gonna But I’m tired of the lying Tired of fighting you And it's not gonna change Pretend it's not forever I'll pull myself together I'll say that I'll forget him I'll breathe And I'll say he never hurt me And look at it as learning And laugh about the good and the bad Because I will live forever We don’t belong together I know I'll feel better One day when I can make it through Broke up with him yesterday. & he's bitching abt me to other ppl. *shruggs* watever makes him happy. & who broke who's heart this time? Soul-searching day.
Had breakfast at THE LINE today. Poolside, which is the dept Im in hit the target for our sales on the month of Jan. So we, poolsiders, got to eat breakfast there for freee!(: It was fun. But I was quiet most of the time. Every one was involved with their own convos. Abuzar with Nasser, Reena with Peace, Alan with Udin & Kok Eng & I was left there listening to each of their convos. Hahs. They've known one another longer. Im kinda new. So yeahh. Nothing much to talk about. It was raining so I asked Alan if can I not work today. & he was more than happy to send me home[not literally] since he was told that casual labours are now only allowed 5hrs of work. Sheesh. I was torn apart on whether to work or not for awhile. I didnt in the end. Made plans with Made our way to JE to eat at Zingdo. I didnt eat since Im still full from the breakfast. So I played with After eating, off to Orchard by train. I realized that Ohh yeahh...I was 'attacked' by a pigeon. Goshh! The pigeon was blocking our way so it didnt know where to fly & it flapped it's wings, hitting my legs. Freaky! Once in a lifetime experience. Went to HMV Heeren. I was bobbing my head to the music while looking at the cds. Then, I over-heard whispers of a couple near me. "Who does she think she is?" Guy. "She's being flirty/cheeky" Girl. "Move or less ar." Guy. The convo was in malay. I didnt realized that it was me until a few seconds after. Ignoring them I just walked out with the guys. Then, at the top floor, I saw the couple again. I figured that it was them since they were looking at me. What the hell did I do to them?! I told FUCK OFF. I swear he cld just kill me at the spot. & she cursed her own bf the whole day. [edited.12/03] |