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so sleep alone tonight
She wants to be happy.
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Beseech
Don't judge me.
I'm touchy, so be nice.
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New life? No thanks.
Poly life is just plain shitty. I dont like it. My class is united for one, but I just dont feel belonged there. There's only 2 malays. & we're like sticking by each other. It's good to have her close but I do want to mix around with the others too. Fcuk, & being a paranoid that I am, I think no one in the class likes me): I dont really talk in class. I just watched them. When I did talked, nobody listens to me. & when I make jokes, they dont really get it. How sad is that? I seriously think I dont belong there)": It's just like the same situation I was in when Im in Sec1 & 2. I hate being in that stage of life when nobody noes you & you try your best to get them to like you. However, they just dont understand who & what you are. It's so hard. I dont want to be a loner for those 3 miserable years. I dont want those 3 years to be miserable. I just want my secondary skool life back. & people always want things eventhough they know it's impossible. I miss my close ones, my 4e7'07 classmates, my councillors, my teachers & each and every part of Kent Ridge itself. The skool holds so much memories & I want to relive it again. I hate changes. Im bad at adapting to a different environment. Creating a new life as similar as my sec skool life is seriously hard. & I'll always go through emotional breakdown in between. The choice of suicide is also possible. haha. I such a hopeless case. I cant make friends let alone understand the modules Im taking. Apparently Im stressed out, however I dont show it to anyone in particular. When Im with my love ones, Im just overwhelmed with happiness that I get to see the faces I dont see often. So there's no vacancies for the face of sadness at the moment. Poly is so much more expensive than JC laa! WTF. I feel like such a burden to my mom. She works so hard for the money. Then Im like spending so much on this notebook, notes & textbooks. Fcuk it. Im like having a breakdown. What did she do to deserve an ex-husband who is such an ass? Im just afraid that I wont do well in my studies & waste my mom's hard earned money. I will disappoint her greatly & I will win the worst daughter award once more. Im so stressed out. |