Maybe if my heart's stops beating, it won't hurt this much.

Beseech

Don't judge me.

I'm touchy, so be nice.

affiliates

IZYAN HANISAH KAK ILLY SYUHADAH JOHAN NABEEL HERLEEN KELLY SHIYUN JIA HUI CHLOE MR PERRY LAI WEI JU HAIKEL SYAFIQAH KRISTA NAB ILLA
GORDON NALYSSA

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credits

Design: doughnutcrazy
Icon: morphine_kissed
Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon.

beautifully disastrous.

Okay so, the 2nd week of TEP has gone by. Thank God for labour day! PHEW. So anw, afternoon shift sucks. Give me difficulties to meet up with Baby. But hey! I got to go home with Bella. But she had to wait for quite awhile for everything to be settled. Sorry Bella/: && today is the only day which there wasnt any problems that occured when Ming Yong & I ended the day. WOOHOO~! Tender declared tally, I didnt forget to do the Nets, exchange receipts were included with the original receipts..EVERYTHING IS DONE(: What a relief.

Thank you God.

So anw, Tues was the worst of these 4days. It all happened when we were closing. Baby was outside the store, waiting for me to get everything done. Out of the blue, this group of students came in & start to browse through the stuffs & bought the screen protector & also keyboard protector. I was stressing up about the tender which doesnt tally, with a variance of like 82 bucks[!!!] & that partner of mine happily serve the students. I was asking him for help && he kept on serving them, or to be precise, her. Damn fcuked up la. Moreover, I was down with a bad flu in the middle of the day, out of nowhere.
When JC came with the key to the store, he was talking to me. But I couldnt reply. He could see that my eyes started to water. I pointed to him the variance. I couldnt speak. Bella came to tell me that she gotta go off but when she looked at me she asked me what's wrong. & at that moment I went out of the crowded store, I was crying by the time I had my back facing the students & Baby caught me in his arms. I couldnt take it any longer. I went to a corner & Bella came & tried to talk to me. & finally, I went in again, sobbing & tried to sort the tender out.
However, no matter how sucky that day was, I had people who cares for me supporting me & giving me strength at that very moment when I needed it the most.
Thank you Baby, Bella & JC for being there for me. I really appreciate it(:

Today, trained back with Bella after everything was settled. This time I alighted at Bukit Batok. && guess what Ive found out?? YASMIN IS IN NYP!! hahaha! Omg la! hehe. Saw her in the train & before I alighted, I said hi. hehe.
So met Baby at the control station & we bussed to Clem. Spent sometime with him. It didnt start so well. But it ended great.
I love you Baby...(':

So I have 3 days off. ALRIGHT!
hahaha! date me out anyone?(:

this belief.

It seems that the belief of laughing unusually alot will cause you to cry sooner or later is so true.

I had a heap of laughters on Friday after my shift has ended. It was during the briefing done by the Ops team that started my engine. These Ops are a bunch of hilarious people & Im loving them. haha! Especially that JC. Gosh, he is like 'Wei ern meets Yong Hwee'. REALLYREALLY. No joke. hahaha! He got this pervertic acts & the way he talks is like Yong Hwee. HAHA! Quite a number of MSC people reminds me of my Secondary school friends. How I wish they're here with me..

Anyway, when I came back from lunch with Jiahui, laughter starts to trigger again with Kelly there. Kelly from MD. haha! Btw, KELLY TANG WEITING, I MISS YOU!!!): sighhs...My class are all seperated for the whole sem. UGHHH. Missing those slacky days and those humans..

Okay, side tracking. Im starting to feel belonged to this MSC team. It doesnt suck that much now that we are opened to each other now. Made quite alot of friends. haha! If it wasnt for them, I would be rotting & dreading school for the rest of the 2months in MSC. Thank you God for letting these crazy people be in my batch.

Fion, my new friend in Fusion, who reminds me of my primary school friend [they look alike, I swear!], was laughing away too. That was the first time I saw her giggling, showing her teeth & making those 'HAHAHA' sounds. hahaha! I think it's because that it was Friday which caused us to lose our minds. It is really stressful to be managing the store & plus there's conflicts going on in Fusion.q-_-p UGH. I think the most problematic store is Fusion. Tender doesnt tally, forgot to ask for receipt when exchanging, surplus in cash drawer, fcuked up by supervisors, verbal fights between team mates...WOW! What 4days of experience could do to us!

Anyway, Im happy with my Fusion mates. Only the 3 of us to be exact. I feel that we can communicate & work together very well(: I wonder what's in store for us from 2mr onwards.. FRIDAY HOLIDAY!! YESSAHHHH~! hehe.
39days to end of shift attachment.
Highlight of MSC, expanded my social circle(:

So, about the belief. I knew very well that Im gonna cry after that crazy day at school. The next morning, which was yesterday (saturday), I realized that I didnt shed a tear. Which was wierd but I let it go.

Baby came over. We were gonna go out since it was our 13th month. Had a tiff with him and it was only 9.30am. Gosh, what a start. I got ready & we went off to Cathy. It was just different, that day out with him. Sighhs..

After movie, went Far East to exchage my jeans but it was more than 3 days, so couldnt. FUCK, shld have just went after school that Friday. Stupid. Then checked out the shoes & no stocks were coming for the pink one. Walked around & windowed. Baby&I werent in good terms still.
Got tired & bussed to Clark Quay for Homeclub flea. Spposed to meet up with Kel & Hanie. But Kel's mom picking him up & Hanie was still in town. So that was cancelled.

Bought a dress & a cardigan. The flea wasnt really good. Mt Sophia's was the best so far. It's more spacious and more nice things over there. So yeah, after flea walked around Clark Quay's mall. Baby & I talked things out & finally things were much better. But we still had small tiffs along the way.

Our 13th was the worst anniversary outing we've ever had.
A bucketful of tears were shed, from one problem to another. Words were just so hurtful at those moments. It didnt end at any point in time throughout the day.

One word to discribe yesterday, 25th April 2009; SUCKS.

Nonetheless, we have learnt our lesson. At least I did. I learnt to understand him better & be more attentive to the littlest things that he does for me. I hope that the suckiest day will be a turning point for the both of us, in a good way. Insyaallah.

Baby, Im sorry if I overreacted at some things.
I'll try my best to suppost you in one way or another.
Baby, I'll changed for the better.
& I hope you do too, for me.
Cause I really need you to.
Whatever the circumstances Baby, I still love you very much..

& I hope nothing changes.

I'll let the lack of words speak for me.

"My God,

you know how much I needed this.

These days are filled with such disaster.
Sometimes I think that life will never be the same.
Sometimes I think that's the answer."

"Would you believe me if said I didnt need you,

Cuz I wouldnt believe you if you said the same thing to me."

"Desperate, Im calling out your name.

Can you hear me?

Im falling I cant feel your flame,

its so cold.

& I wanna go home, gotta feel your arms around me.

Can you hear me?

Save me."

"I see through your lies, they're bleeding from your eyes."

"When I say yes, I meant forever more."

"I look into your eyes & see that your color's changing,

I wish that I could change with you.

& when you said forever, did you mean it to be true?

Or was it another tale from you?"

"'Promise me, you'll forget me,' you said as you walked away.

'Dont hold on..please..let go of me.'

You make it so hard to leave."

"'Goodbye', she said.

'I have found somebody new.'

But I gave you every waking moment,

I gave you everything you wanted.

And now, my love, you're giving me up.

She walked away and I could hardly breathe.

I turned around & fell down to my knees.

Im shivering as the truth settling,

her tomorrow has nthing to do with me.

I knew someday you'd find someone else's lips,

but before you go,

can you give me one last kiss?"

"why does hello, feels like goodbye?"

"I love you,

however,

you hold me down.

You're the echos of my everything,

you're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.

You're the laziness of afternoon,

you're the reason why I burst & why I bloom.

How can I break the news to you?"

"Only God knows if I've changed."

Lyrics which have alot of meanings to it.

haha, randomnesssssss.

enthusiasm issues.

HEYHO.

its been awhile since Ive updated. Sorry people, tired from school. Just imagine, 9am to 5.30/6pm every single day for the whole week? Sighs..just glad that its over now. So Im in the morning shift next week. Morning shift will be from 9am to 1.30 pm, while afternoon shift will be 1pm-5.30pm. Yup. I like morning shift cuz I can go off early. haha.

Wth, I sound so dead. Pfft.

Should I cut my hair? I feel like doing so. Seeing my aunt & my cousin with short hair seems so nice & easy to manage. There's only 2 downside of me cutting my hair short.

1) My hair will just remain curly. [those were the days. Afro days. haha.]

2) I have a round face.

Oh well..

But I still have the urge to cut it. Super super short, like boy kinda short.

Just like Halle Berry's:

However, come to think of it, it took me a looooong while to grow my hair to this current length. I dont know what I'll feel if I do cut it real short. UGH.

These were back when I was in Sec 2 [I think]. Do I look nice with short hair??? Shitshitshit. I shouldnt cut. I'll just freak out if it turns out into a disaster. UGH.

Okay, final decision:
NOT CUTTING.

Swing swing!

Okay, this is my 3rd post of the day. HAHA!
Didnt update for quite a long time la. Sorry.
So anw, today was the last day of work for me. Since for the whole of 5 days next week Ive got orientation for my TEP attachment which is 9am-5pm. q-_-p FCUK, dreading it please. Just as I wanted to enjoy my last week of hols. FCUK.

Okay, enuf of that. Last day was not that bad. Busy today & it only rained at ard 3.30pm. & my shift ends at 4pm. q-_-p Oh well. HAHA! When I wanted to go off, Alan asked to give him a hug. So I did. He lifted me up & swing me around. HAHA! I felt like a kid la please. Alan really feels like a big brother to me, for the record. Dont think wrongly eh. Baby even trusts him. Haha! I'll miss Alan.

Anw, chatted with my dear Wedge just now & he came out names for me using my name as abreviations. HAHA! Damn funny sial.
Here they are:
OSYAF
Oh!!! Sofya You Are Fucked !!!
OYASF
oh!! You Are So Fucked

HAHAHA! wth sial.

Then his name,
WEDGE [not his real name];
we encourage digging good enviroment
we encourage DICK Growth enlargement

HAHAHA! okok, obviously he was bored.

hmm...gonna stay at home 2mr. Get my rest since the next 5days will be pure tiredness. UGH.
ciao~!

18th blast off!

SOSOSOSO, yesterday, on the 10th April 2009 marks the 18th birthday of my dear NUR NABILLA BTE JUBIR!!! WOOHOOOOO~!(:
I'll shall leave the bitter part of my day aside. Not gna trace back of what happened.

Met up with my Kelly wahwah at Queenstown platform. Baby accompanied me till she came. Kelly&I heading to Harbourfront while Baby going back home. Our train came at the same time & we went our seperate ways.

We girls went to Vivo to shop for awhile. Spent like 1 or almost 2hours there. HAHA! Then met Chloe at the Sentosa monorail entrance. We trained there & it was pouring. Lightnings & thunders everywhere. There was ALOT of people stuck at the Beach station & a long queue was forming at the tram line. Waited for like 45 mins? & in the middle of the line, those Sentosa working girls aka 'OUR SAVIOR' asked us on where we were headed to. I was like Sentosa Beach Resort & they were like 'you're in the wrong line'. We were suppose to take the Siloso Beach line. Well, it wasnt entirely our fault, what we saw was just a long line. HAHA! So yeah, thank God the lin was empty so we moved to the correct one & waited for another 30mins. It was really pouring & thank God we've got a mini van & the usual tram. We were sheltered from the rain until we were stuck at Cafe Delmar. Thank God Chloe had an umbrella. She transfered me & Bella's fren while Kelly & Bella's other friend ran to under the rain to the Resort which was across. [Im forgotten their names. UGH. Im sorry! Im so bad at remembering names :S] We went up to the room together & DAMN! It was FCUKIN NICE!!!
Seriously, you can just have ur honeymoon there. The view is nice the room is nice. WOW!
HAHA. okokok, I'll stop.

Bella didnt arrive yet. Her sis, Kak Nurul & her sis's fren, Mousey, were there. We helped them out by arranging & giving them ideas on how it'll be like. Finally, birthday girl arrive with a few others && significantly *ahemahem*. HEHEHEHEHE(x
First time ever they met up. & its on her birthday, what better timing than that?(:
So anw, mingled, picture taking, chatted, observed, happiness, jealousy, but still happiness.... HAHA! Thats how I did & was feeling.
We cut the cake when everyone was there. It was a beautiful moment for Bella. HAHA. So happy for her(:
After the cut cake process, Chloe had to go off. Hoped she found her way out. Kelly & I mingled. Followed her go smoke at the balcony where the view is equally nice front & back of the suite. Then we mingled with Bella's friends & we chilled at the jacuzzi. Sentosa's nice with the night view. Around 8.30pm, Bella's friends were gonna go off since they need to go somewhere respectively so I decided to go off with them. I pulled Bella & Kelly along. hehehe. They sent us plus *ahemahem* & Irfan [finally, I know his name q-_-p] to the monorail.
I went to Vivo with the 2 girls & 2 guys. One girl went off, taking the bus. *ahemahem*...AHH! WTH. His name's Qummi la k? q-_-p HAHAHA! well, he went off to the the bus too when we're almost reaching the mrt station.
So left one girl & a guy. They were both from the same primary school. So yeah. The girl went off towards pasir ris while me & Irfan waited for our train towards Joo Koon. There were alot of Banglas la, walau. Thank God there's someone with me. So we chatted & got to know each other. It was nice to make a new friend(: Dont really get to do much of it.
Anw, first train was packed so we waited for another. Went in when the second came & yeah, trained back. & can you believe it? After getting to know that guy, I dont even noe his name? HAHA. Whatever it is, it was nice to meet him & Bella's other friends(:
It feels good to mingle. HAHA!

All-in-all, it was a fairly good day yesterday. Wished that I could sleepover at the suite but...UGH. Whatever. Had work next the day anw.
oh well.
Anw, I LOVE BELLA & KELLY(:
hope to see you guys sooooooooooon~! MUACKS!

The bed, the view, the cozyness.

That's Mousey btw.

Chloe & the view.

Birthday cake!!
cool or what?? HAHAHA!!!

Birthday girl.
love the conrows! I wna learn how to make!!

EITGHTEEN.

The revealation.

The one who planned & sponsor everything, her older sis, Kak Nurul(:

18 candles.

DANNIEEEEEE!!!(:

Kelly, Bella's 2 girlfriends & the night view of the beach.

& it all ended well, I suppose(:

For the record, thanks for being there for me Baby after what you've witnessed. It was really embarrassing for you to actually be there to witness what was going on but at the same time, Im glad there's someone that I could lean to after all the commotion.

I love you.

V-D-YOS!

On Wednesday, had a lunch date with SPP!!! I know! SPP! hahaha! Baby was the one who gave me that lill extra push I needed to boost up my courage & ask her out for lunch together. & well, WE DID!(: hehehe.

Everything went great. It wasnt as awkward as I thought it would be. Im thankful that Im back in contact with my old-friend again(: I still love her alot.

After our lunch date, we went to Jurong Library since she's working there. She asked me to accompany her pick out magazines since she have to kill 6 hours of stting in the library. HAHA. The job that she's doing isnt really a hot-seller but hey! She's getting paid for free burning-ass-sitting-for-6-whole-hours free labour! HAHA! Baby was there too since she asked him to meet me at the library instead of the 51 port.

After she has almost settled down, we said our see you soon's & Baby&I left, headed to Queensway then home.
SOOOOOOO, we've made another 3 vids for you guys! hehehehehehehehehehehehehe. Bored la you see. & we were in crazy mode so yeah.

ENJOY~!

He doesnt noe the lyrics. LOOK AT WHAT HIS MOUTHING! HAHAHA!

&&& btw, when I said that I hate him, I actually love him. hehehehe.

I like the pose we gave at the ending. hehehehe.

Love is SOOOOOO being stupid together. WOOHOO~!!!(:

Unexpected.

HEYHO, LETS GO~!

So Ive been working on Sunday, which was yesterday. && guess what?! [I recorded it in my hp so I wouldnt forget. hehe.]

I SAW, WITH MY BLOODY TWO EYES, THAT THESE $#%$#* ARE RUINING SINGAPORE!! Im not patriotic or what, but if you see this you will become one!
So anw, guess what I saw?!
oh right, I've said that just now.

So I was at the bustop where I take the bus to work. There was this China family, mom,dad, son& grandma. I was listening to my PUNKROCK melodies, && guess what I saw?! [okay, thats the 3rd time.q-_-p] THE FREAKIN' SON, who was like 6years old, PEE-ED in the middle of the pathway, just near the bustop. Clear view for people to see. LIKE WTF?!?!?!?!?!
THAT KID JUST PULLED IT OUT FROM HIS FREAKIN' PANTS & JUST FREAKIN' PEE-ED! I mean wont you be DISGUSTINGLY-HORRIFIED?! goshhhhh...!
&& guess what the bloody adults did?? All 3 of those morons just smiled & laughed at what that soon-to-be-penisless boy did. & that boy had the FREAKIN' cheek to smile!

4 lill CBs were at the bustop. Lill CB pee-ed in the middle of nowhere, letting people see his soon-to-be-gone tiny weenie.
mom: *laughing* That is just how we raised our son!
grandma: I have taught you well lill boy. It just reminds me back at our country.
dad: I am proud of you son. *patting lill CB's back*

CAN YOU FREAKIN' SEE THAT SCENE IN YOUR HEAD? Just imagine those CBs faces!

I SO want to get the hell out of Singapore before it gets worse with these hooligans around. UGH! No offence to the ones who are innocent & well-behaved.

So, MOVING ON!
Went out with Baby today!(: hehe. We met at WC market & went WC plaza since there were a few shops we wanna check out. However, most of the shops arent open yet so he brought me to Tully's. Baby went into the staff room, he has the access to since he is a staff there. UNEXPECTEDLY, Baby came out with a cake & singing me the birthday song!(: HAHA! damn sweet of him(: hehehe. The cake's not chocolate, but hell-yeah its nice! HAHA! caramel with nuts. We gave some to his colleagues & the left-overs in the fridge for the other staff members. HAHA!

Thanks Baby(: MUACKS!!

After window-shopping at WC Plaza & had lunch there, we went to the library. Wanted to watch a DVD but the quality sucks. So we finished the movie,'The Rocker'. Making our way out of the library, saw SarahP! AGAIN. HAHA! Baby always spotted her before I do.q-_-p So anw, she's working at the library as a computer helper. HAHA! Idk la! something like that. After catching up, Baby&I headed to the MRT & trained to town. We went Heeren since we wanna check out nice shoes at the CHECK outlet. We spent quite a while there choosing shoes. HAHA! Baby had our pairs on hold.

So after town, trained home.

Cant wait for another day out with him!(:

Working 2mr. Hope it'll be a cloudy day! Or maybe RAIN! hehe. Insyallah(:

Im licking the flame! BELIEVE IT OR DIE!

hehehe.

He's not smiling! UGH.

I'll try get a snapshot of him with his new set of teeth(:

BIRTHDAY GIRL.

2nd April 2009, Thursday.

It marks the end of my days of being 17 & the beginning of a new chapter of being EIGHTEEN! WOOOHOOO~! This is the age where partying begins & the wildness in you emerges!
But Im not going there.
OKAY, maybe a lill!
hehe.

IDK LA! I'll try my best to be tame okay?
In actual fact, I dont even feel the diff. HAHA! Like nth only. O.o
Oh well.

ANYWAY, im gna tell you about my special day(:

So firstly, Izie gave me clues to my destination that Im sppose to go to. First clue was,'FOUR GREEN PEOPLE'. Oookay, i asked her for the second clue since Im like busting my head trying to figure it out. Second clue, 'LOVE'. Ookay, so I browsed thru pics in my lappie while scanning my brain. Finally, I thought of 3 places, Paragon, WCP &...I forgot. [UGH, STM.] So after gueeing, WCP was the destination. Went out at 10.30am, accompanied mom to Jurong since she's gg to my TB Aunt's & I took 176 to WCP.
Baby msged me only at ard 10.50-11am. I had a strong feeling that he's gna be there even if he said he couldnt. & theres something about his msgs which just gave it away. HAHA!
Reached WCP & izie said,'We play hide&seek k? You come find us!"
So obviously, 'us' refers to more than one person. HAHA! But then she called me after 10 mins, & ask me where am I. She asked me to stop in my tracks & came to get me. She led me to the place while I closed my eyes. I DID NOT PEEK!
The moment Izie told me to open my eyes, I saw her & Ron. I instantly turned behind, hoping to see Baby. & yup! There he was!(: hehe! I WAS SO HAPPY! Not only that Baby was there, but Izie actually put in her effort & planned this for me. Im really thankful(':
I LOVE YOU IZIE!
So we ate cake, talked, fooled around a lill. I smudged cake on Baby's face & wanted to do it on Izie but she was fast. HAHA! After awhile, decided to watch movie on Baby's lappie. The reflection was bad so went to Macs. It was noisy there but managed to understand a lill of it. HAHA!
Went back to West Coast, Baby went to shower while the rest of us waited downstairs. Made our way to the bustop after. Baby spotted SarahP eating with Ben. Izie & I were sooo excited. HAHA! Surprised her & we talked. Finally, we went off & took 143 to Harbourfront. Treated them lunch & we went to Vivo. Bought somethings for myself. hehe.
Baby&I wanted to watch movie, Izie&Ron are broke so they went of first. So yeah, Baby & I watched 'Mall Cop'. DAMN FUNNY! HAHAHA. Didnt tink it would be THAT funny.
So after movie, went home & we chilled at the bustop under the night sky. It was nice.
Baby went off from there.

THANK YOU IZIE & AlSO RON FOR EVERYTHING.
THANK YOU BABY FOR MAKING IT.
THANK YOU ALL THE PEEPLE WHO WISHED ME.
THANK YOU ALLAH FOR MY LIFE.

I love you people(':
MUACKS!!

Old & wise. HELP!

Firstly,

HAPPY 55th BIRTHDAY TO MY MOMMY!
She's 55 & she looks like 30-40 plus. I guess those million bucks worth of skincare products worked their magic! hahaha.

So went out with Baby today to buy mommy's present which is her fave food at Arab St & went take my pay. Every single time I take my pay when Im not working on that day, is just a chore. Must walk quite a distance to the hotel & if its cloudy or windy, its okay. But wth, its so HOT please.q-_-p Oh well. Everything's gna come to an end soon. Just look at the earth & the ppl living on this earth. Everything's topsy turvy & going all wrong. Sighhs..

Why am I being so wise all of a sudden?
Shit, I feel old now. UGH.

Idk why I feel such a way. Is everything starting bad or ending bad? Ive came across things which are just making me feel angry in a sad way. You know? UGH. I feel that alot is changing around me, I just chose ignore them all.
I HATE CHANGES. Im not good at adapting, thats why when I have the people who are close to my heart, I couldnt let them go. Even if they hate me, I still chose to dwell on them & keep praying that they will actually take me in again. I miss those people..)":
But one thing about changing is, sometimes to have something/someone back, you gotta change your own self.

But Im confused, people say that it doesnt matter how bad you are, if you mean something to that person, he/she will love you no matter.
& some people say that if you love that someone, you will want to change for the better for that person even if you wont be true to yourself anymore.
So which should I choose?

Who call the shots anw? Do you even know if the person you love will leave you if you dont change your ways? Do you know if the person doesnt even care how you are cuz they think that your flaws make you who you are & they love you for that?

AM I EVEN MAKING ANY SENSE?

I dont feel the excitement now. I feel numb. Blocking out all the feelings in me, its working perfectly. What if I am made without feelings? What will life be like?
Bleakness I pressume.
However, I bet its better than busting your head with all the problems you have, all the feelings thats needed to be sorted out.

FUCK, I FEEL FUCKING OLD NOW.
q-___-P

Will you feel devastated if your significant other isnt there with you on your important day of the year?
Or am I in the wrong feeling in such a way?

All-in-all, Im thankful that I have friends around me who cares about me. Really.
The only thing which will make me the happiest girl alive on an important day of mine, is just to be surrounded with the people whom I love very much.
There's no need for presents, no need for celebrations.
I just need hugs from each & every one of them & sharing that special day with them.

Only Allah knows how much I meant that.

I dont know what's in store for me 2mr. Ms izie-peezy's not gna spill!
Im kinda nervous & scared? HAHA. I mean, she just told me to go out at 10am, to somewhere which she hasnt told me yet, & im gg there ALONE.
I mean, Im not scared of gg anywhere alone, but it feels diferrent when someone asks you to go somewhere alone. You get it? I doubt so. HAHA.
Shit.
Im really nervous now/:
So mysterious lor this girl. Walau.

I just need to wait to find out.

Shit, I should call the cops just in case.
HAHA!