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so sleep alone tonight
She wants to be happy.
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Beseech
Don't judge me.
I'm touchy, so be nice.
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Heart & mind blowing.
For this whole week, in the history of my 18 years of life, it is the WORST week ever. A lot has happened in just 4 days to be exact. & it starts with a picture.. Im trying to erase that permanently in my head. But I think it takes like a few months for it to officially be deleted. After that issue, it led to a family matter. No one will know how I feel right now, really. I know its cliche but it's the truth. Everything and anything that Ive ever dreamed about just crashed down on me in a spilt second. It sounds like it's a bad thing, but if one think of it the other way, it's actually a blessing. Everybody makes mistakes, I know. But it is possible for that mistake to just repeat itself without one realizing it. For example, me. I tend to do things impulsively. Yes, I admit. I shldnt have done that. But who in the right mind, will not go haywire when they see such a thing? I mean, seriously? Even if its not a big deal to you, it is to me. Honestly, internet is a devil. Or maybe, people made it into one. Allah has opened up my eyes to the real world. It's not all a bed of roses where everything will go your way, every dream you're trying to catch will come true. It's much harder than that really. My heart has been wrenching, tears had been shed continuously throughout the days and my mind is just stuck. I feel really lost, honestly. I dont know what to expect or do now. If only there's like a map showing me the way I shld lead my life to.. This is just a stepping stone for me. I should not have dreamt too much about how I want my life to be. Grab a hold of yourself, Sof. Dont think too far. Everything can change in a blink of an eye. Just take it as it is. I have to be strong. I have to be prepared mentally and emotionally. It's been long since I've been surrounded by my oh-so caring friends. I didnt know they would be so nice to me. After so many months, I've been caught up in my own relationship that I didnt really realize how much I miss them. Especially, even only a day of knowing these new dudes in EMRS, they were so concerned. Gordon & Amit, they're from year 3 who came into EMRS for only 6 weeks. On this very worst week of my entire life, they came on this Monday from nowhere, walked into the EMRS room and just existed in my life. Tuesday was when I was really broken & they are one of the many who comforted me and gave me the strength. I really thank Allah for letting them be in my life. Even if I know our friendship will only last for 6 weeks throughout EMRS, I will remember them for their kindness and for the laughter that they provided me even when I was covered in tears. haha! They're really rocking my EMRS world!<3 Btw, I would like to thank every single soul who comforted me at my worst. Really. I appreciate it, a whole freakin lot. & im tearing right now..thats how sincere and touched I am by you guys(': I love you. So, yeah. Wow, I didnt know a few days or so can really change one's life. An eye-opener, I'll admit. But my heart is still aching, & my brain is just stuck. I dont know what to think anymore. I WISH I HAVE NO HEART. so no one will have anything to break. |